Pixar porn: ‘To infidelity and beyond!’

pixarOne of my first legitimate jobs , as many a film geek tale goes, was working at a video store. It was a glorious job that gave me access to titles to films I had never heard nor read about before.

Yet of all the names of unreleased comedy and horror films that would flood the store week in and week out, I was endless fascinated by the porn titles. Not for the reasons that one might think, though. For as a young bookworm, I loved their creativity when they would mock the names of current blockbusters, supplanting them with much dirtier, genitalia-based aliases.

Some favorites included: Romancing the Bone, The Sperminator, On Golden Blonde, The Loin King, White Men Can’t Hump, Die Hard-on, and My Bare Lady.

I am sure there are countless lists already assembled and devoted to such cinema. But as a parent whose DVD library has now slowly been pushed aside to make room for more child-friendly fare, I could not help but regress to those earlier years and wonder what some of our family’s favorite Pixar films may have been called had they been remade into films that lay behind the “forbidden doors of the local neighborhood video store. (I know, try not to read too much psychology into it. I have a 20 minute drive to work and one morning my iPod was not by my side, so boredom set in…).

Here’s my thoughts:

sex toySex Toy Story (think about it, you already have characters named Woody and Buzz. The script writes itself.)

splat

Splat-it-to-me

 balle

Ball-E (Just slap a phallus between the little guy’s two sagging eyes and…)

grinding

Grinding Nemo

And, of course, the title that would not have to change at all: Up

Any I missed?

~ by usesoapfilm on October 29, 2009.

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