A case of Barrel Fever

David Sedaris

Last night, Oct. 2, I had the opportunity to spend a few moments with a literary rock star, Mr. David Sedaris, who read at the Grand Opera House in Wilmington. Witty, profane, acerbic, brilliant  and unapologetic, he read a piece rejected by ‘The New Yorker’ (!?) about launching poop into a neighbors yard. What snobs are they that they cannot find airborne excrement amusing? He also read a piece that is going to be published next month about an overseas trip next to a sobbing Frenchman.

He concluded the evening with some excerpts from his diary — including trips to Japan, the U.S. and France.  Each one was like a comic sonnet — brief, poetic and funny as hell. After the show, I waited to speak with him in a line of people who are just one severed finger away from being stalkers. He sat graciously signing all forms of books, posters, children and body parts that were offered to his tiny table like sacrifices to some Sharpie-wielding deity.

I ran through a thousand questions to ask him when it was my turn to worship, but something strange happened. He started asking me questions. He asked about my family, what I did for a living and signed my crumpled copies of ‘Naked,’ ‘Me Talk Pretty One Day,’ ‘Holidays on Ice’ accordingly. I was caught off guard, for all my mentally prepared witty comments were now held hostage as I tried to demonstrate what a quick wit, I, too, possessed.

“Heh-heh. You’re funny.” I think I managed to get that out, though I am not really sure. I was too busy scrambling for something — anything — to prove my worth as a writer to him.

Nothing. Zero. Zilch. I was comically bankrupt. I skulked away after shaking his hand and he smiled the kind of smile one gives a person with an obvious facial deformity, as if to say “Aw, it’s great he’s brave enough to get out in public like that.”

Oh well, maybe me talk pretty one day. 

~ by usesoapfilm on October 3, 2007.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: